Red Hot Gary

9:00 AM

Gary was not smart. He wasn't particularly interesting or wealthy or funny. But he was nice enough and drop dead gorgeous. That's all I really wanted. Come to think of it, he looked a bit like a young Ryan Gosling, only with a more country-boy appeal. Just picture Gary as this:

I dated Gary for all of three months in my younger days. My mother thought he was, A very nice boy, but she wouldn't have if she'd heard the things he said to me when the lights went off.

Gary was smoking hot; he and I just didn't talk much outside of the bedroom. I liked Gary, but there wasn't a longterm there. Strong relationships aren't really built on a a foundation of getting wasted together and fucking like rabid squirrels. (Though good relationships include some of that.)

Truth was, Gary and I didn't have much in common besides a love of vodka and seeing each other naked.

One morning I'd stopped by Gary's apartment for a quick tumble before class. We were sprawled atop sweat-soaked sheets, smoking cigarettes and watching the smoke dance across the ceiling, when he turned to me and said, "We're really good just like this."

"Yeah," I said, still reveling in the afterglow.

He looked so beautiful right then, all tousled and sated, but his smile was contemplative. "But we're only good like this, aren't we?"

We called it quits officially later that day.

It was as amicable a breakup as I can recall. I gave him back his tee shirts; he gave me my underwear. We promised to stay friends, but we never did, not really.

In later relationships, I would realize how awesome his easy-going attitude and playfulness in the bedroom made him. I'd regret not getting to know him better, talking to him more. But I never regretted Gary or how things turned out. We just weren't meant to be.

The other day at the store I saw Gary's favorite vodka: Absolut Peppar. I picked up a bottle on impulse, took it home, and mixed our favorite cocktail.

It's spicy, it'll fuck your brains out, and it might even be good for you! Pretty much, it's just like Gary.

Thus, I present to you the Red Hot Gary, the best and hottest version of a Bloody
Mary you will ever sample.

1 part Absolut Peppar
2 parts Spicy Hot V8
Dash of Tabasco
Dash of Worcestershire Sauce

Mix well and serve on the rocks. Top with pinch of fresh ground black pepper and garnish with olives (black or green), skewered -- Because Gary has balls and Mary does not. Feel free to spice the rim or garnish with other veggies to your liking. Gary's pretty flexible...

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